New Intel logo adopted by IBM on December 13, 1994.
Humor Relating to the Pentium* Processor
Note: The following are jokes relating to the Pentium Processor, largely collected from Internet sources. This list was compiled only to record the public reaction to a significant story in the computer industry. Nothing in this list reflects the opinions of the Charles Babbage Institute or the Regents of the University of Minnesota.
Show me IBM's report on the Pentium's errors
Fair is fair -- show me Intel's current policy on Pentium replacements
THE TOP TEN REASONS TO BUY A PENTIUM MACHINE
- 10. YOUR CURRENT COMPUTER IS TOO ACCURATE
- 9. YOU WANT TO GET INTO THE GUINNESS BOOK AS "OWNER OF MOST EXPENSIVE PAPERWEIGHT"
- 8. MATH ERRORS ADD ZEST TO LIFE
- 7. YOU NEED AN ALIBI FOR THE I.R.S.
- 6. YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT ALL THE FUSS IS ABOUT
- 5. YOU'VE ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE A PLAINTIFF
- 4. THE "INTEL INSIDE" LOGO MATCHES YOUR DECOR PERFECTLY
- 3. YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT CPU OVERHEATING
- 2. YOU GOT A GREAT DEAL FROM JPL
And the #1 reason to buy a Pentium machine...
- 1. IT'LL PROBABLY WORK
November Election results may be due to Intel Pentium bug
An anonymous source in the Democratic Party has revealed that the sweeping
landslide victory of the Republicans in November may have been due to an
obscure bug in the Intel Pentium computer chip.
Upgrading the nationwide vote counting system to the latest technology was
one of Vice-President Al Gore's "Reinventing Government" initiatives. This
change was meant to reduce costs and streamline operations, however, the
computer glitch may have cost the Whitehouse dearly.
A spokesman for the Democratic Party denied the rumor that several thousand
Power-PC's had been purchased as part of a vote recount effort.
When questioned about the news Senator Bob Dole (r) commented that he believed
the Intel Pentium chip was far better than anyone had thought. A short
statement released by Newt Gingrich's office indicated that "the Democratic
party has always sought to divide America and that this discovery of an
FDIV bug in the Intel Chip was clear evidence of the moral decay of our
At a Motorola Plant in Austin, Texas Ross Perot told an angry crowd that
according to his new calculations the deficit is actually 14 times larger than
the government has been telling us. He praised his staff for staying
up all night and performing the calculations by hand.
In late breaking news today legal briefs were filed in Chicago by former
senator Dan Rostenkowski's attorneys which claimed that the irregularities at
the House Bank and the House Post Office were actually due to Pentium chip
calculation errors. Sources in Attorney General Janet Reno's office reveal
a furious behind the scenes effort to reload the whitewater investigation
spreadsheets in order to double check the results.
'PENTIUM' stands for ...
P - Produces
E - Erroneous
N - Numbers
T - Through
I - Incorrect
U - Understanding of
M - Mathematics
Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?>
A: 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.> >
Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant?>
A: A mad scientist.> >
Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on
A: Warning label.> >
Q: What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium?>
A: Successive approximations.> >
Q: Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is
A: Number 4.> >
- 1) Divide>
- 2) ROUND>
- 3) RANDOM>
- 4) On a Pentium, all of the above>
Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?>
A: "Life is like a box of chocolates." (Source: F. Gump of Intel)> >
Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?>
A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got
Q: According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards> 754 and
854 for floating point arithmetic. If you fly in aircraft> designed using
a Pentium, what is the correct pronunciation of> "IEEE"?>
A: Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!> >
TOP TEN NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM>
- > 9.9999973251 It's a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug
- > 8.9999163362 It's Close Enough, We Say So
- > 7.9999414610 Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes
- > 6.9999831538 You Don't Need to Know What's Inside
- > 5.9999835137 Redefining the PC--and Mathematics As Well
- > 4.9999999021 We Fixed It, Really
- > 3.9998245917 Division Considered Harmful
- > 2.9991523619 Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point?
- > 1.9999103517 We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws
- > 0.9999999998 The Errata Inside
Headline for 1995: UNIROYAL AND INTEL TO MERGE; "Royaliunintel"
TO PRODUCE STUPID PENTIUM CHIP AND VERY SMART
*Pentium is a trademark of Intel Corporation.
Last Modified on: Thursday, January 5, 1995
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