DOOM EXCUSES 

                      

What to tell your boss when:
                     



     A) You are suspected of playing DOOM:

1) "Oh, that must have been my screensaver you saw!"

2) "Those files are my Database program. DOOM stands for Database Online
    Operational Management. Yeah, your right, 'WAD' is a pretty strange
    extension, isn't it?"

3) "Yeah, I've heard some strange noises around here too. Rodents in the
    HVAC ducts, maybe?"



    B) You are overheard playing DOOM:

1) "Growling? Oh, that was probably my stomach you heard; I worked straight
   through lunch today."

2) "Chainsaw? No, I don't have a chainsaw in here. Mrs. Smith said
    something about pruning the plants at the reception desk this morning,
    though; you might ask her."

3) "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was talking that loud. It was my wife on
    the phone, we're not getting along lately. Thorny Brown Bastard? Ha!
    It's a long story, she hates it when I call her that."



    C) You are caught red-handed playing DOOM:

1) "You know, this is a great screensaver but the damn thing keeps locking
    up or something and I can't get it to go off."

2) "It's the latest in CAD!"

3) "It's an assertiveness training program."

4) "It's supposed to be 'Barney's Jungle Adventure' - I just picked it up
    for the kid, you know; but it looks pretty warped to me."

5) "I don't know what the hell it is, it said Lotus on the disk. Maybe we got
    some bad interference on the Net or something."

6) "I hate to say this, but I'm pretty sure it's the 'KillingGlee' VGA virus.
    Don't know how I could have picked it up. Only way to get rid of it is to
    play it out."



-G. Harris