friend's dont let friend's do DOS Never try to teach a pig to sing - It wastes your time and annoys the pig. Does the name "Pavlov" ring a bell? For every problem there's a clear, obvious solution that's totally wrong A generation of marketdroids decided that if computers were easy for total imbecills to use, they'd sell more of them. So what? It can be very dangerous to see things from somebody else's point of view without the proper training. -- Douglas Adams What I am now is the price I paid for what I used to want to be Dreams move on if you wait too long Of course it's daft, it's traditional. - Terry Pratchett Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him. Hey, you! This is the gene police. Out of the pool! Rumor has it that there is a computer called the Amiga, but I don't believe it. Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're NOT out to get me! ... to boldly go where no mail has gone before Why do I put my two cents in, while you give me a penny for my thoughts? Someone's making a penny here. When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since The views expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of my computer I used to be a bitch and just thought it was my problem. Now I've learned to make it everyone else's problem, too. A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. -- William James The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky Who is General Failure and why is he reading my C: drive? The reason you often lose one sock in the washer is someone leaving the washing machine on odd parity YKYBHTLW you realize that all of life's problems are because we are living in revision 1.0 of the universe "Ah! Dont say that you agree with me. When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." -- Oscar Wilde Linux : The choice of a GNU generation I married Ms Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always. Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 am, it's because they were up all night. I haven't lost my mind. I've backed it up on tape somewhere.. The Internet interprets censorship as damage, and routes around it. The light at the end of the tunnel is often that of an oncoming train. The shortest distance between two fixed points always has the bridge out "Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -- Calvin Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em!"? Pascal, n.: A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it Thesaurus: an ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary The opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of Convex, not necessarily mine, and almost certainly not necessary. -- Joel Williamson Black holes are where God is dividing by zero "Upgrade now to Intel's mighty *Pentium* processor - you can actually *SEE* the differnece..." -- Lawson This redundant statement is redundant All I want in life is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. The deadliest bullshit is odorless and transparent. --William Gibson There is no problem, personal or technical, which cannot be solved with either a faster computer, a bigger hammer, or enough plastic explosives. USER, n.: "The word computer professionals use when they mean 'idiot'." -- Dave Barry ... we all live in a yellow subroutine. Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586? A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605 The most important financial question is: Where is the money? Of course Australia was marked for glory, for it's people had been chosen by the finest judges in England. -- Anonymous A man sits with a pretty girl for an hour and it seems shorter than a minute. But tell that same man to sit on a hot stove for a minute, it is longer than an hour. That's relativity. -- Einstein A mind that is stretched to a new idea never returns to its original dimension. I used to be uncertain, but now I'm not so sure. The Windows API has done more to retard skill development than anything since COBOL maintenance. -- Larry O'Brien BIOS error 1234: Your CPU is out of date. Please contact your nearest dealer. "Reason with them, it makes them crazy" -- AJ Parkinson When using emacs, I feel like MacGyver in a hardware store. World Peace Through Oral Sex. Think Globally, Act Locally Politicians are like nappies, both should be changed regularly and for the same reason Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. --Steven Wright There is no force of gravity as such. Rather, a celestial body merely pays attention to what it finds in its neighborhood. --Albert Einstein support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have! If you can't explain something to a six-year-old you really don't understand it yourself. -- Einstein There are three kinds of people - those who can count and those that can't Television is what can happen to you if you dont have a computer Q: How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. They define darkness as a standard. -- UNIXWorld, dec 1993 The ratio of literacy to iliteracy is constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read and write -- Alberto Moravia du aer fet, du aer ful, du kan leka gris till jul. If pluggin it in doesn't help, turn it on. "It can be shown that for any nutty theory, beyond-the-fringe political view or strange religion there exists a proponent on the Net. The proof is left as an exercise for your kill-file." Sufficiently advanced political correctness is indistinguishable from irony. Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. No is the answer. "That which can never be enforced should not be prohibited." "The total IQ of Usenet is a constant. The number of users is growing exponentially" -- Ron Dippold(YIL vol2 #7 Dec. 1996) "Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to live in the real world." -- Mary Shafer, NASA Ames Dryden If a woman can have a baby in 9 months, then clearly 9 women can have a baby in one month.